hiiiiiiiiii
im in the mood to update my blog !
hahahahhaha
i dont know why
i have been thinking a lot a lot a lot !
and i have just realised
that the me now is sooo damned sux !
i have grown more lazy
more ignorant
especially towards my appearance and studies
omg
this is so not good .
i gotta change for the better asap !

cos its not good to keep on going like this .
cos in order for me to get what i want
it wont do any good if i keep going in my current state
i must change !

and i have been thinking
what keeps me determined to achieve my goal all these time ?
and i came into one conclusion :
jealousy and lust .
i have been wanting to be like another person .
yes or even better than anyone else .
cos it just ticks me off whenever i see someone better than me .
i am jealous of them .
i want to be as good as them .
cos i have not been doing much significance on my own .

i want to be richer than any of my friends .
i want to be better looking than any of my friends .
i want to be smarter than any of my friends .
i want to have more skills than my friends .
and the list can go on till the next morning .

and i lust for more n more things .
thats why i am not satisfied with everything that i did until today .
and that also explain why i am still determined to achievve my goal, even until today .

but in the bible, it taught us not to be jealous of other, and we must not lust of anything in this world .
so i have no idea of what should i do
cos what have been pushing me to be determined is lust and jealousy .
lust + jealousy = determination to achieve my goals .

i wonder..
wish God will give me an answer to my doubts .
cos i have been doubting too many things .

its very hard to make those things gone away from me .
cos i have been too used to it .
my rock-hard will not to lose to any of my friends .
and my lust to have a lot of money .
its really hard to put my ambition below God's purpose in me .
and i have been struggling to do it .
but still, i cant do it today .
maybe tommorow ?
next month ?
next year ?
next decade ?
i dont know
but i know 1 thing for sure
nothing is impossible when God is with u !
so keep the fire burning yaww !

kk
i gotta stop here .
i am starting a 11 o'clock-must-sleep with my gf .
so i should sleep exactly at 11 o' clock
and so is she . xD
its a good way to actually train us to manage our own time .
and of course for healthier body and mind ! :D
okay im gonna stop right here .
sooo
c u all on the next post !
nite :D

nic .