damn sleepy
haiz
now my eyes are opened
dont know why
but everything just seems so upside down right now
whatever that i feel was important
now seems to b not important to me

im starting to appreciate my life
i feel grateful
just by being able to living life as it is now
however
im not gonna stay here
and enjoy
whatever shit that i have right now
as i have dreams and goals
that are waiting for me to reach them

so i wont give up

jokers crew:
dont give up dudes,
life may seem hard at first,
but when u find a way to handle things,
u will see
the bright side of living life
believe me
as long as u guys never give up
hope will still be there
giving up = putting an end to whatever shit and letting down everyone u love, including ur parents

well at least that is my point of view
which makes me to be who i am right now
so
dont ever lose hope

in the other hand
i must thank the jokers crew as well :D
i learn very much from them
and to let u all know
im experiencing the same things with u guys
so i know definitely how u guys feel
just dont lose the light
once u lose it
thats it
ur lost
lol

okok
time to stop
i aint gonna study for my ss
too sleepy already
cant care about other things
idk y,
feeling soo
restless nowadays

i wanna meet her
hold her hands
kiss her on her forehead
hug her tightly
and tell her i love her
face to face
eyes to eyes

but i know thats impossible right now
lol
need more patience and self control :D
my self control really is coming back to me slowly
but i cant force it
:D

just gonna pray to God
that when all these shits are done
everything is going to turn out fine
and someone will come to me and tell me
''all those things that they told u r just a lie''

and i realised
that
all these while
ive been too childish
and often
lying to myself
where actually
im trying to run away from the truth
i was too scared to face the cruel reality
as i know
i cant stand them
but now
im glad
that i have experienced
what its like
to b a loser
i know the pain that they suffer
i can understand it

and how a loser hope
that someday
he will be able to win
and get all the things he wanted
like i am right now

many things
that i want
and i have worked fucking hard for it
but it just doesnt pay
and i know
how painful it is

as im experiencing it
and
how much more painful it is
when u realise
that
u can do nothing about it
it hurts
real bad

and i also realise
ive been too self centered all these while
which means
its no good
gotta learn to b humble
somehow
i love the way i was
when i was in indo
damn humble
no showing off
or whatever shit that im doin right now
no vulgarities
haha
guess its karma.
gotta take responsibility for each shit that ive done right?

if it is,

im gonna face it with all i am
im not gonna run away anymore
fucked up with all these escaping the reality
im gonna face em
and be stronger